A lady whom I previously decided not to date told me recently that she feels I am the one God wants her to marry. I am a bit confused and bothered because I do not share this "revelation" at all. I like her courage and boldness, which I do not condemn since everyone is a “PATHFINDER” (Proverbs 18: 22).
Anyone can start the approach without any perambulation (that sounds awkward), may be because of your culture; but if you reasoned it out, you won’t blame Ruth and Boaz. Her immaturity was exactly the reason why I decided not to start a relationship with her and more so she definitely does not fit the "type" I have had in mind, but I would like to follow God's will. How do I know if this is God's will?
How should I pray?
I think it would be freaky to have a guy or a lady you're not attracted to suddenly drop that "revelation" on you. Your own experience might seems different but this isn't a unique phenomenon. I've heard several similar stories over the years, from both women and men. One reader told me how she heard from God that He was preparing her to be a certain man's wife but the revelation never come true because the man never pursued her as a girlfriend.
I think the principle for both men and women should not be based on revelations, dreams, visions and pastors assurance but on personal convictions.
Marriage is too important to make the decision based only on the testimony of another without sharing that same conviction. Even David, God's anointed, asked the wise and beautiful Abigail to be his wife. (If anyone was privy to direct revelations from God, it was surely God's anointed.) She agreed with dignity and humility, replying, "Here is your maidservant, ready to serve you and wash the feet of my master's servants."
How Do I Know God's Will for a Marriage Partner?
This will of God syndrome is what I’m talking about TODAY!
Christians have a variety of views regarding selecting a husband or wife according to the will of God. Many Christians fear that they might go out of the will of God or miss out “on God’s best.”
Many believe that there is only one person whom the Lord has selected for each Christian and it is up to each Christian to find that person. This person is the “right one” according to the will of God. Finding the “right one” is the key to finding God’s will and marital happiness over a lifetime. Many believe that If a Christian should marry someone else by accident or by desire, then he or she will not be in God’s will. They can still be happy, but will not have God’s best. However, those who marry the wrong person also risk the possibility of divorce. Christians often feel that couples get divorced because they have married the wrong person. Are all these beliefs true? Are these principles what the Bible teaches? The answer is no. They are not true and the Bible nowhere teaches these views.
"Is he or she the right one?" is the wrong question to ask.
The right question, which the Scriptures teaches is this one, “Is he or she the right kind of person to marry?" Prov.18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord." In other words, it is good for a man to find a woman and get married. The converse is true as well. It is good for a woman to find a man and be married as well. This means that getting married is beneficial and a blessing for humans.
However, it is not just marrying any woman or man, but the right kind of woman or man. Prov.19:14 says, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." That is, if you want a wife that is from the Lord (i.e. the Lord’s will), find a prudent one (one with discernment and self-control). This would apply to the husband as well. This is just one attribute of a wife or husband that will be a blessing from the Lord. This verse gives the focus God has revealed in the Scriptures.
The Bible focuses on finding the right kind of wife or husband. Finding the right kind of wife or husband is God’s will for you. This is how you will receive God’s blessing. The Scriptures do not teach that believers need to find a specific person the Lord has chosen, but rather the Bible says that we are to focus on choosing the right kind of person and avoiding the wrong kind of person.
Although Abraham and Isaac sought wives for their sons as the Lord had directed them, their experiences are not the norm. They were very significant in terms of the covenant God made with Abraham and were major figures in the line of messiah. We are not. The normal Biblical approach in these non-moral areas is to choose whomever you desire to marry as long as you choose the right kind of person according to God's priorities. You must also commit yourself to follow God's standards for marriage.”
God’s will is that Christians marry Christians.
The first priority is that he or she is a Christian. 2 Cor.6:14-16 says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” This is a clear instruction from the apostle Paul that Christians are not to be bound together (in a marital/physical relationship) with non-Christians. Christians have been declared righteous in Christ and have been brought into the light of the truth. They should not have intimate fellowship with those that have not been declared righteous and are still in spiritual darkness.
This does not mean that Christians can’t have non-Christians as friends, but friendship is not a bond for life as marriage is. It means God wants Christians to marry other Christians. He wants his children marrying other ones who are his children. As a Christian husband or wife, your life is centered in Christ; an unbeliever’s is not. Your beliefs and values are established upon the Word of God, an unbeliever’s is not. You need continual encouragement to trust and obey the Lord. How can an unbeliever give you that? How will you encourage him or her daily if he or she does not trust the Lord?
This is an important commitment that you must make as a Christian to see God’s blessing in your life in this area. This is a boundary that you must draw when it comes to whom you allow yourself to “fall for” or even date. Is it possible to have romantic feelings for someone who is not a Christian? Yes, it is. Attraction is part of being human. However, it is not an indication of God’s will. God’s will is clearly stated above.
The world says that if you feel it, it must be legitimate. This is not true! If you feel it and it is within God’s will, it is legitimate. Marrying a non-Christian is never the Lord’s will.
Dating unbelievers is emotionally dangerous! If you are going to be wise in following this, you also need to realize that it is emotionally dangerous to even date an unbeliever. You can think at the beginning that you can stop yourself short of marrying an unbeliever. I have heard Christians say, “I am only dating an unbeliever, I won’t marry him/her.” The Christian who does this is playing with emotional fire.
To be continued....
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